Interstellar – Stellar Crap

Rating (1.5 out of 5)

Summary: I didn’t have the opportunity to see “Interstellar” when it first came out in 2014. As this is available right now FXNOW I was excited to sit down and watch the film. My excitement quickly turned to puzzlement, boredom and eventual to anguish. “Interstellar” bites. Long, convoluted, boring and too much crying. I literally sat in my chair shocked by the number of high caliber actors participating in this atrocity. Did they not read the script first?

Plot: Earth is reduced to an agricultural society after a large number of people have died. The last remaining scientists who have hidden from public view, have discovered the children of today will be the last generation as the earth dies. Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) is asked by the scientists to pilot the ship through a wormhole and find a new planet for humans to colonize.

OMG, he is crying again.

Detail: “Interstellar” is long, running at 2 hours and 49 minutes. A long film works as long as the excitement keeps on a-comin‘. “Interstellar” is a drag through a marsh filled with the worst dialogue imaginable. It took 37 minutes for the film to set up the challenge for the main characters. The movie dragged out scenes until they were boring.

The sheer number of complaints would be hard to encapsulate in one short blog. I will concentrate on 3 areas to demonstrate the inadequacies of the film:

1 – After Cooper acknowledges there is an anomaly in Murph’s (Mackenzie Foy) room, he is able to decipher the code, and the code is coordinates to a secret scientist base. There, Cooper is recruited to fly the mission which might be a one-way ticket only, because he was formerly part of NASA before the population died off. They have been planning a colonization mission for years, after sending 12 astronauts through the wormhole to find suitable planets. All of a sudden we need Cooper, and the launch is tomorrow. Why, because the sudden departure from Murph will allow everyone to cry and force the tension of the final stupid scene. Absolutely horrible screenwriting.

Who was piloting the mission before Cooper showed up and what happened to the poor bastard? Oh, and we are okay sending someone who hasn’t been in training in years?

2 – We discover the secret scientist base and we are introduced to Brand (Anne Hathaway). She is a scientist and is scheduled for the next mission. As her and her dad Professor Brand (Michael Caine) show Cooper around, Brand walks behind the men. Why couldn’t she walk alongside them, or walking next to men not allowed for women in this future world? Then, Murph needs to sleep. Who do we send to assist Murph, that is right Brand, because you know taking care of children is women’s work. OMG!

When we first meet her, she is wearing a black blouse and pants. Brand must be the eye candy. But hold on, we need to establish her as intelligent. What better way, than to put on a lab coat and rubber gloves, and check out the embryos. Now she has worn the intelligent outfit for a whole minute, let’s take them off.

World is in ruins, why are those idiots wearing suits?

3 – The mission goes terriblly awry. SPOILER! There is only Cooper and Brand left in their badly damaged ship. Cooper boosts Brand and the rest of the ship towards a habitable planet, as Cooper falls into the black hole. As soon as Cooper falls in the black hole, you know exactly what will happen. We have known since we saw the anomaly in Murph’s room 2 hours previously, that it was us communicating to ourselves.

Seriously, you know it will be important 2 hours from now.

As he falls through the black hole, he ends up in another dimension and time. Turns out he is behind Murph’s bookcase, and he is the anomaly. Oh wow, mind blown —- NOT! How stupid! Middle Age Murph (Jessica Chastain) is able to pick up the signals through morse code on a watch Cooper left her. She is able to decipher the formula that will allow the last chance spaceship to leave earth. WTF. Then to make matters worse, after he delivers the message he is transported in the middle of space. The spaceship with the last remaining humans from earth including his daughter Murph, happens upon him, of course. Absolute nonsense.

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