The Old Guard – Why, What, Huh

Rating (1.5 out of 5)

Summary: You would think immortals who fight for good would be interesting. You would think Charlize Theron and Chiwetel Ejiofor would bring greatness to any film. You would think I would be ready for an action movie will staying at home during COVID. You would be wrong on all counts. This was simply dull. The only interesting aspect was the character who was stuck in an Iron Maiden under the sea who was an immortal.

Plot: A group of immortal mercenaries are hunted by an evil pharmaceutical company.

Details: John Wick has raised the bar for action scenes. The action scenes in “The Old Guard” mechanical even. They tried to be cool by having coordinated moves but that didn’t quite work.

There was no build-up of history for each of the immortals. Maybe they are saving this for future installments. There was only a little training for the new immortal, Nile (KiKi Layne). Niles could have asked of various ways to die, burning, poison, suffocation, etc which finally linked back to the iron maiden. This would have added a bit of humor, and a backdrop for each one of the characters.

I didn’t really like the immortals too much. I didn’t feel a true sense of camaraderie. So if they were captured, or died, or whatever, I didn’t care.

The bad guy was so obviously bad, it was horrible. Even his building in downtown London was staffed with 30 mercenaries. The only thing he didn’t have was a bunker as you entered. It was comical.

I find Charlize Theron tends to be a pouty character in action films, and she lives up to that here in “The Old Guard”. Her character Andy doesn’t fill the screen like John Wick. John Wick was pouty, but he was focused and determined. You wanted to see him win. Andy comparatively is a listless character, who you hope finds peace in death.

There were so many things wrong with the movie. Don’t waste your time. Even “Extraction” is better than this one.