Portrait of a Lady on Fire – Study in a Man Bored

Rating (2.5 out of 5)
Warning: Subtitles

Summary: Warning, this movie should not be watched while finishing up your fifth glass of bourbon for the night. The movie is sure to put you to sleep. You can’t dispute the beautiful cinematography of the film, but the storyline and pace will bore you. As if we didn’t know they were going to fall in love from the minute they met. The is an artsy movie just to be artsy. Maybe the problem is this is a movie meant for the theater and I was watching in my home. I don’t know, but I was bored.

Details: Marianne (Noémie Merlant) is tasked with painting a portrait of Héloïse (Adèle Haenel) to send to a potential suitor.

Summary: The problem with most stories now is I have seen them all. Was it really all that surprising that they fell in love? Was it surprising that there was sadness when they separated? In a predicable story, the thrill is supposed to be the ride. The ride is boring.

I am sure there are those bougie critics that will talk about some beautifully poetic moments. There was one part in the film that I could hear Scott in my ear talking about the color and style of the moment. He probably gobbled this gunk up, hook line and sinker. But for me, I am a crotchety old fart and want some substance in my films. This didn’t provide it.

The most interesting aspect of the film was the housemaid who had an abortion. Her attempts to cease the pregnancy at various stages fascinated me.

How this won an award for the screenplay, I am not sure. It was so forced at elements. As if we didn’t know the story of Orpheus would come back up in the story? I am not an idiot. The lack of any surprise or depth to this film is surprising.

Was the fact it was too woman supposed to shock me? Was the frolicking naked in the bedroom designed to provoke me? I am a crotchety old man, I have seen it before. Two guys, two girls, guy, and girl, human and alien. The mix and provactiveness didn’t matter, the story would have bored me the same.

I will say that this movie wasn’t for me. Scott loved this (OMG Scott a 5 out of 5 – Scott’s Review). The difference is a crotchety old fart versus poetic youthfulness I suppose. If you are like me stay away, but if you are more like Scott, watch this right away.