Gemini Man – Teary Man

Rating (1.5 out of 5)

Summary: Maybe the premise is good, but other than that, it is hard to find anything good to say about “Gemini.” Will Smith spends his time tearing up, fighting, and delivering a few holier than thou lectures. That is, in essence, the movie. It was as if they borrowed items from “Star Wars,” “Mercury Rising,” threw it in a pot to make barfy movie stew.

Plot: Henry (Will Smith) retires from the DIA (Defense Intelligence Agency) after dutifully serving the US for years. A friend shares some disturbing information about his final hit, and now the US government is trying to take him out with his clone.

Eyes beginning to tear. Boo hoo.

Details: The screenplay was genuinely horrible. Who thought of how to move Henry from hitman to retired hitman, to a man on the run? Why did his friend share the information with him? If the government didn’t want him to pry, then why try to assassinate him? If his clone was as good as him, why didn’t he do the initial hit? If he could find the tracker, that was large tracker in his boat, why didn’t he think they implanted a tracker in him? These are all absurd elements to move the main character from A to B.

Henry, after serving for over 30 years, has developed a massive conscience. They hand this off to his clone Junior as an element of his DNA. Every time one of the two of them talked, their eyes welled up with tears. Keep it simple, and keep the movie stepping forward. No reason to stop the film for the “how can I commit these atrocities” speech. This was nonsense that slowed the film.

Clay Verris (Clive Owen) runs a secret government program called Gemini. At Gemini, they practice hours a day for battles. Now this group when faced with Henry and his sidekick Danny (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) can’t hit these two characters. Oh, but Danny our fresh at of training recruit is able to hit the mark every single time. Just like Clone Troopers, I guess, trained all the time, but the only thing they can kill is a Jawa.

Clay gives us the patriotic monologue identical to Alec Baldwin‘s character in “Mercury Rising.” The character, the organization; none of it was original. When you aren’t original, you have to elevate your game somehow. Nothing in “Gemini” is elevated.

Finally, let me talk about the big chase scene in Cartagena. The engagement between Henry and his clone starts out fine. But then they are on motorcycles. That was a scene some stunt man loved but made no sense. Henry was on the low ground. Junior had the high ground but was limited by the wall. So why didn’t Henry change directions and try to get high ground? Because we had some cool motorcycle moves in mind. They even reinforce later that you seek the high ground. This scene did not keep with Henry being the best of the best with honors sir.

Turn down the alley.

I watched this hoping the critics were wrong. They weren’t. Don’t waste your time.